NOW, Harpers Island, there have been some very
poorly written scripts before (Names withheld but feel free to comment below) that
we have managed to sit through while looking past the obvious blunders and pitiable
acting, but clearly Harpers Island might actually have the trophy for worst
series I have ever seen in their trophy cabinet somewhere. Below are some of
the reasons why, but before that, let me give you a brief synopsis of the
series;
Harper's Island where the ‘murder mystery’
happens was once the scene of a gruesome sequence of murders seven years earlier.
Now family and friends gather on the island for a wedding, but one by
one they begin to die.
My problem
is not so much with the actors but more with the script and its writers that
chose to depict the characters as a batch of spineless, reflex impeded
individuals as you will easily realize upon reading this or watching the series
for yourself. So here we go;
1.
Takes them 4 episodes and a
death in a church to realise that up to 4 people have died since they boarded
the boat to come to the Island. Their friends and Family have been simply
vanishing and nobody notices until a dude gets some kind of spear right in the
face. Then it’s oh, wait a minute, this dude is dead too, that dude is dead as
well. Oh well we need to be a little bit more careful, arrest that retard (JD)and
lets go back to our lives. Deduct 30 Points
2.
What was up with people knocking
at doors and not saying anything even after being asked to identify themselves
more than 3 times? I mean?? Squeeze first ask questions last, that’s how most
of these so called gangsters last (Notorious BIG). Deduct 10 Points
3.
And then there is this
retarded little girl they let wonder off all over the Island. We later realise
she has made good friends with the bloody serial killer. What kind of parents
are these anyway? We have concluded that they don’t really care about their
family and friends but their kids too? This is too much. And for some reason
she knows her dad is dead and still thinks it’s a game! Then she forgets some
important information like, oh the dude that kidnapped me told me to lie to all
of you and lastly (when it’s too late of course) remembers to mention there
were two people where she was kept and not one. Deduct 20 Points
4.
And what happened to the
scrap book that Abby was working on? For a moment I thought this endeavour was
going to serve some purpose in the entire mystery, sadly not. It just vanished and
that was that. Meanwhile the blond girl that fell into a hole while running
after her little dog is never found; nobody even noticed she had died. And what
happened to the dog eventually?? Deduct 15 Points
5.
Then comes the pointless
journal the killer wrote in prison confessing how he murdered all those people and
how they had to pay. I am not an expert on prisons but that seems like a
confession to me, how’d this animal get 7 years only?? How’d the Scarface in
the woods land on it and how in the world did JD get mixed up with him?? Here is
how; Get this here and put that there, now we have a script, roll camera, let’s
get paid and go home. Deduct 30 Points not 50 as it should have been.
6.
Why does everyone seem to
forget to state the obvious and most important things, the little girl and her
equally dull mom seem to forget the information about Jimmy being a suspected
accomplice of Wakefield, or the sheriff who fails to tell Abby and Henry that
Wakefield is not dead till he has a rope round his neck and is about to hang 12
above ground. I mean?? Deduct 5 Points
7.
Nobody remembers to reload
their guns or even carry extra ammo. Why does everyone want to carry a double barrel
anyway?? It loads 2 shots at a go; you left the shot guns behind!! Deduct 5
Points
8.
When Wakefield raids the bar,
this dude grabs a table knife while the killer has a sword of sorts; the girl
behind him grabs the shot gun and runs. If you do not see what’s wrong here
then this series was made for you, have fun. Deduct 30 Points
Long story
short, it sucked but I watched every last bit of it. It was funny looking at
these fools get hunted, trapped and slayed while they wondered to themselves
and each other, why or how it was happening!!
Meanwhile,
they just had to have a bride running from the bad guy in her wedding dress,
really, is there another way of saying we are so cliché and we love it?
Point
the actual series begins at the end of episode 12 (Out of 13) when Henry kills
his fiancé and we learn that he is actually Wakefield’s son and accomplice. If you
have to watch this, simply skip to this episode and remind yourself that all
you are missing is a couple of very low IQ’d people on an Island getting picked
off one by one according to their levels of intelligence, the bright ones first
and retards go last.
I am not
going to lie but I knew Henry (The groom) was the killer, if you have a keen
eye for detail, you would have noticed the handwritings all around the Island,
the same handwriting in the note he sent his fiancé in episode 4 asking her to
meet him in room 214! However, as time went on, I momentarily lost that belief,
so 5 points for the writers there.
Total
points deducted = -115
Total
points awared = +5
Total over
all points = -110.
The /er.
